One of my favorite verses is Psalm 91:1, “Those who live in the shelter of the most high will find rest in the shadow of the almighty.” I can’t image living outside of God’s shelter!
Many of my family and friends have never heard that I was a run away before I even started kindergarten. The first time, according to my sister and mom, I was only two. I really can’t remember all the details but I’m pretty sure I was just wandering around and got lost! But for sure, I left the only home I ever knew to look for something, something my little heart couldn’t possible understand or knew what I was doing.
However, at age 5, I remember clearly, intentionally planning an escape. I was responsible for locking our apartment door each night before bedtime. One particular night I pretended to lock the door but quickly unlocked it in the same motion. I hid a paper sack with two sets of clothes under my bunk bed. My determination woke me up at 3 am and I snuck out of my parents’ flat along with my sack and a box of unopened chocolate candy that my grandma wouldn’t allow me to touch ( I stole it.) I just started walking down the 16 floors and into the dark, quiet streets.
The street was pitch black and everything was so still! It was deep in the fall, a very cold night! I could hear the “flip, flop” sounds from my little sandals hitting on the concrete streets as I walked across town. I remember there were still sounds, scary ones, perhaps, the rodents and cockroaches might had been chasing after me wondering where was I going… Probably just the street dogs and cats searching for food in the garbage cans.
It seemed like I had walked for a long time. In my little mind, I remember I wanted to find my home. I was so convinced, even at that age, that my home was not here, at least not at my parents. I didn’t feel like I belonged there, or anywhere. Maybe I had a real home I just couldn’t see? I wondered often what was I doing here on earth? If life did have a purpose, what could that be?!? Even at such a young age I wanted to know!!
Last time I went back to Hong Kong, my mom still reminded me of it. She asked if I remembered running away from home twice when I was very little. I said, of course and I just smiled! I couldn’t really explain to her why I did what I did. For one, I didn’t want her to know how sad I felt inside about our home at that time. My mom did the best she could and I have always loved her for that! She has always been a good mama even though she couldn’t be home much because she worked an awful lot! But, all 8 of us had a roof over our heads and some of us got to go to school, all because of mom’s willingness to do what it took to keep the family together, even if it meant she had to be absent so the rice and the daily necessity could be present!
I think I could write a book about my childhood. I guess I wanted to share a little bit of it to tell you what an overwhelming joy I have, I found my home, I now know is called heaven and how comforting to know, even though I am not there yet, there is a shelter of the most high and almighty where I can find help and rest! I wish I knew how to write better to show you how significant, vital this really is! It is because knowing and having a relationship with our Creator has changed how I feel about my past, it has changed the core values of what I believe and most importantly—it has changed the way I live and the choices that I make!
The home we are currently helping build in San Lucas for these older orphan girls is our act of love, our act of faith and our act of obedience in doing what the Bible says. He commended us to be kind and generous to the fatherless children of the world, James 1:17 says, “to look after them in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Job 29:12, says “ Rescue the poor who cries for help, and the fatherless who had none to assist them.”
Please continue to pray for Jeff and I. Life hasn’t been easy for me in Guatemala so far. Since we are starting from the ground up, there are a lot of adjustments and limitations. Sometimes doubt creeps in since we only have a third of our budget raised so far. What if we can’t raise the rest of the funds that we need?
Last night was the first night we felt extremely tired and drained since we started the process of moving here ten weeks ago. The “what ifs” started jumping in my head, “what does the future really hold for us” seemed to be clouding my head. Meditating on this verse again has helped me to remain focused and find new strength. It has given me a deeper peace to know that God will finish what he has started! I just can’t lose heart!!! Indeed, this is a very exciting journey for Jeff and I, living in the Will of God was never promised to be easy! I just need to remember that God has our back!! I need to continue to fill my heart with God’s promises and make no room for worry!!!